Narcissism

It's almost 1:30 am and here I am, still awake. Consumed by my thoughts and worries, I am yet again unable to sleep. A common occurrence nowadays which I sometimes am able to remedy with some Advil PM. (I knew I should have taken it tonight). I got to thinking tonight about the word Narcissism. The dictionary defines it as: inordinate fascination with oneself; excessive self-love; vanity. However, I find that it extends beyond this definition. I think deep down everyone is a narcissist. Whether they may realize it or not. I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing for most.

It could be the drive that people live on to reach their goals, the reason people take the time to care enough about his or herself, the insight to know that you matter. But what really amuses me is when certain people fail to realize their own hypocrisy. To sit here and say they care about others and do so much for others. Yet they cant open their own eyes to see what's in front of them. How many times can you think in your life about someone or something who had done so much for you. And yet you failed to recognize and respect their importance in your life. Or to even acknowledge it. Although to do something small may be insignificant to you, it may have mattered to them. All those times you didn't feel like taking that extra step for someone that you cared about, was just one more way you hurt them. Or one more inch they pulled away from you.

I think at some point we all do it. I know I am guilty of it. Whether it's that phone call to our parents or that I love you to your significant other or even that call to check up on a friend. Many probably take it in stride and try to act like it doesn't matter. But is it really so hard to stop thinking so much about ourselves to consider the other important people in our life? What ever happened to having true consideration for others? I feel like it has dissipated with our generation. And you know you sure as hell dont like it when people do it to you. We are so consumed with our own lives that we fail to even see when others reach out for us. And we expect everyone to be so understanding of us and our life and what we are doing. But when do we really stop to be understanding of the other people in our life? To once in a while say thanks for all you do?

Just something to think about. Don't take those around you for granted. You never know if they will still be there tomorrow.

(Oh and now it's 2:00 am. Glad I don't have to be up early.)

Moving to Atlanta

This being my last flight back to Miami before becoming an official Georgia resident, I decided to share my thoughts on my upcoming move this week. I went to sign my lease yesterday and see the place I will be spending the next year in. Moving to Atlanta has been something I have wanted for a very long time. It has been two years filled with traveling back and forth. Which has become a bit tiring. While I am beyond excited that it is finally happening, I can't help but to also feel extremely sad.

The past few months I have become very close with my family. Especially my mom. I will also miss my nieces and nephews dearly. And truth to be told, I feel a heavy weight on my heart to leave them. I guess it has become more apparent to me because I have been going out of my way to spend extra time with them the past few months because I knew I was leaving. The move is all of a sudden way harder than I expected it to be. When life has been going so well in Miami, it makes it harder to let go of and say goodbye to everyone and everything. Perhaps it has finally really hit me. I'm leaving everything I have ever known. I'm leaving home.

I know it will be a rough adjustment. But i am glad that my mom will be making the trip up with me. I have always looked forward to the day I got my own place and having my mom there to share that experience with me. Despite this bitter sweet feeling, I am excited to be starting this new chapter in my life. The new opportunities available are endless. My apartment is nice and cozy and I love it! I will make sure to post pics of it once it is all set up. So until you come to visit me in Atlanta, farewell Miami. You really will be missed. (Except the traffic.)

Things to be happy for...

So I came up with this idea, to have a post that I would update daily with at least one thing I am happy/grateful for. Right now, there are so many things working against me and I need to remember and focus on what's still positive in my life. I have gotten too wrapped up in all the negative energy. Hopefully, I will actually keep up with this. Here goes:

01/13/10: Happy I started this post :)
01/14/10: The brochures I designed for my job finally came in today. Just in time for my portfolio review this weekend.

Obviously I slacked off so I am going to back track a bit.

1/15/10: I decided to start back getting healthy and went for a mile walk yesterday.
1/16/10: Happy to be in Atlanta
1/17/10: Had a good time at dinner with friends
1/18/10: Happy to sleep in :)
1/19/10: Woke up feeling good because I feel like I have some kind of idea what I am doing with my life now

1/21/10: Have not really come up with anything the past two days.
1/22/10: Got a FANTASTIC gift idea.

Venting my frustrations

Right now, I really just feel like screaming. After dealing many issues of the day including being sick with a cold, I got to a breaking point when I was filling out a job application. After spending time to fill out an application and upload my resume and reformat etc.. when I finally press submit I get this little message saying there are no jobs to match my resume.. Seriously?? I picked a position to apply for and an automated message pops up telling me that? How would this computer know? So what? Now my resume will just automatically be weeded out? As a matter of fact, I AM qualified for that position and I meet ALL of the requirements.. which I specifically tailored my resume to state.

Yet, I doubt my resume will ever reach who it needs to because some automated system decides I'm not a match. WTF. And the sad thing is.. its not even just this time. After job hunting for a year.. when the hell will my resume EVER get through? No matter who I network with, or meet or where I apply.. the end result is the same: nothing. Everything leads to a dead end. What's the point in me spending hours of my time every single day writing cover letters and applying? Do you think they are really going to read that cover letter I just poured my all into? Can they see my enthusiasm through a machine? No.. I will never be given the chance because some machine decided against me.. How many more times will I have to try to convince myself that maybe this will be it? To push myself to finish that letter.. That maybe, just maybe, I will finally get that phone call..

As a very goal oriented person that always had a timeline of when I wanted to accomplish things, I have had the severe shock of reality.. No matter how much I thought I mentally prepared myself.. once your in it, there is no way out. Save me.